If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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