i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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