dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
