i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
