so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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