I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
