I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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