so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
