So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
