She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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