then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
