take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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