i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
