First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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