just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
