The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
