Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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