what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
