The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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