is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
love makes seman taste better
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
