just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
