So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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