I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
