since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
