There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
