Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
