Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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