I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
