He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
