I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
