you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
