capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's shark week go big or go home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
