I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
