Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
