she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
