her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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