My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
