yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
