he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
