I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
