I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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