Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
