I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
