You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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