: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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