i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
