It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Two words: nipple clamps
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