My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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