My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
