Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
