I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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