You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
