so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
