If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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