i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
