So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
