And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
