I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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